Praise and Condemnation
by CrimsonNephilim88
Summary: The last thing R.J. Shepard expected from joining the Alliance was to follow the path she was fated for: Saving the galaxy and falling for her lieutenant, Kaidan Alenko. Shenko romance spanning all 3 games. Rated M for language and eventual smut.
1. Chapter 1: Unexpected meeting

(A/N: Decided to finally write my own Mass Effect fanfic based on the relationship of my canon Femshep and her relationship with Kaidan Alenko spanning all three games. This is my first attempt at writing a fanfic ever, so please be kind. I've already written part of the next chapter and I will post it when I have it completed depending on how well received this first submission goes ^_^. Rating this M for Mature for language and eventual smutty Shenko goodness xD).

* * *

Ambassador Udina, Captain Anderson, and Admiral Hackett stood together on the balcony of Udina's Citadel office. The Alliance had completed the construction of a new Prototype warship that was to be under Anderson's supervision for an upcoming mission.

The three men watched the citizens and tourists on the citadel scurry about as they discussed who would be heading the mission of securing a Prothean artifact that had been unearthed on Eden Prime, a Human colony near the edge of the Terminus systems. The artifact was to be brought back to the council for further study.

"Well, what about Shepard? She grew up in the colonies." Udina spoke up.

Anderson nodded his agreement. "She knows how tough life can be out there." He paused momentarily mentally recounting the past life events that took place in Shepard's life before joining the Alliance. "She lost both her parents when slavers attacked Mindoir."

Hackett added his approval. "She proved herself during the Blitz, held off enemy forces on the ground until reinforcements arrived."

"She's the _only_ reason Elysium is still standing." Anderson added glancing at the two men flanking him.

Acknowledging this piece of information, Udina chimed in. "We can't question her courage."

"Humanity needs a hero." Anderson turned around and began pacing the room. "Shepard's the best we've got."

Udina looked over to Admiral Hackett waiting to see if he agreed. The older marine nodded his head. Sighing, Udina walked over to his desk. "I'll make the call."

Hackett walked over to Anderson. "Until you reach Eden Prime, we will be calling this a shakedown run for the Normandy. I don't want your crew getting unnerved because a Spectre will be accompanying you."

"Understood sir." Anderson spoke. "Shepard's candidacy for being the first human spectre is a great importance to the Alliance as well as humanity. I don't want that jeopardized any more than you do."

"Good to know." Hackett patted Anderson on the back as the two headed over to Udina.

* * *

"So, Lieutenant Alenko… what do you know about the N7 that the Brass have assigned to our crew?" Joker rested his chin in his hand while being pushed in his wheelchair towards the docking bay.

"Shepard? Not much other than what is in her file. Hero of Elysium during the Blitz, Colony kid. According to official records, both her parents were killed during a Batarian slaver raid on Mindoir when she was sixteen. Enlisted with the Alliance Navy at eighteen. Nothing on her though that covers what happened between the slaver raid and enlisting." Kaidan pushed the flight Lieutenant's chair through the docking bridge into the decontamination hatch of the Normandy, the Alliance's first prototype warship featuring a stealth system that the crew was being deployed to test out.

"Yeah, that's all I got on this N7 also. You'd think Admiral Hackett or Captain Anderson would have briefed us about her if she's going to be our XO. Plus we have a council Spectre tagging along with us, what is up with that? This is only a shakedown run!"

Kaidan raised an eyebrow at the pilot. "A little worked up over the whole spectre thing aren't you Joker? This whole test run is an investment for the council. It isn't that odd that they would have one of their own joining us."

Joker adjusted his hat. "Ah, I just don't trust em'. Especially one that is tagging along for a test run of an Alliance ship…since when was the council interested in Alliance business anyway."

"Small tip, don't let the spectre hear that." Once the hatch opened to the interior of the ship, Kaidan proceeded to push Joker inside towards the bridge.

Kaidan bent down, putting one of Joker's arms over his shoulders, carefully lifting him into a standing position and into the pilot seat. Kaidan moved to get the wheelchair out of the way when he bumped into someone as he turned around.

His hands instantly went out to steady the person he had just crashed into. "Sorry! I wasn't looking where I was going."

"It's OK, neither was I."

Kaidan's eyes locked on to a pair of the most exotic eyes he had ever seen: Hooded lids, almost cat-like in shape, framed deep blue eyes. _"No…not blue."_ He thought to himself. Their shade was almost purple in color, but not quite. _"Violet"_ He decided internally.

Straightening himself, he looked at the woman in front of him, taking in the full view of her face.

_"She's gorgeous."_

Suddenly realizing his hands were still on her upper arms, he quickly dropped them before she had a chance to mention it. His eyes landed on the N7 logo of her armor and instantly stood at attention.

_"Way to go Kaidan, you just nearly knocked over your new XO."_ He kicked himself mentally.

"I apologize, ma'am. I should have been more careful." Kaidan instantly felt stupid for apologizing for a second time.

"At ease soldier." A small laugh came from her making the awkward atmosphere thin out. "What's your name?"

"Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko, ma'am."

"Nice to meet you Lieutenant Alenko." She shook his hand. "Commander Raina Shepard, but you probably know that already."

As Kaidan was about to speak, Joker cut in. "Yeah, hi. I'm Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau. Don't mind me or anything, I'll just be here. You know, flying the ship."

"Well, he's a ray of sunshine isn't he?" Shepard joked.

Kaidan gave her a half smile as he looked over to Joker. "Yeah, don't mind him. We call him Joker."

"Joker?" She raised an eyebrow at the name.

Kaidan let out a small chuckle at her reaction. "Yeah, might want to ask him about that."

"Shepard, good you're here." Anderson walked through the entrance hatch onto the Normandy, a turian following behind him. After saluting each other and being introduced to turian that came with Anderson, who also turned out to be the Spectre, Nihlus, Anderson excused Kaidan as he took Shepard into the CIC.

Kaidan watched as they three walked away, his focus remaining on Shepard. It unnerved him a little bit to be so fascinated over a commanding officer. The fact that she was also beautiful did little to scratch the itch of curiosity he had about her.

His eyes traveled over the length of her. She had a slender body that not even the armor she wore could hide. Her hair was a very dark shade of black, the light reflecting off of it almost looked blue. It was cut short to just below her chin, parted to one side with a few strands falling in front of her face. She had full, thick, dark lashes that accented her violet eyes. A scar ran diagonally from her right eyebrow to just under the tear duct of her eye. He liked it. It added an element of allure to her. His eyes dropped down to her lips. They were full, with a rosy pink color to them that was accented with just a small touch of clear gloss.

"Lieutenant? Hello, Joker to Lieutenant Alenko. Come in." Joker raised his elbow high enough to nudge Kaidan in his side.

"Huh?" Kaidan snapped out of it, looking down at Joker.

"You've been staring at her for a full five minutes." The pilot gave Kaidan a smug grin.

He felt the heat rise to his cheeks, beginning to blush from embarrassment. Kaidan moved the wheelchair out of his way then sat down at a terminal off the Joker's right.

"Like what you see Lieutenant?" Joker teased.

Kaidan decided to try and ignore what the pilot was hinting at "What are you talking about Joker?"

"You've barely taken your eyes off of her since she walked in." Just to see his reaction, Joker decided to mess with the lieutenant even more. "I think someone has a crush."

"What? Do not." Kaidan could feel his cheeks turning a deeper shade of red as he tried to keep his eyes on the screen in front of him.

Joker's grin got wider. "No? Then why is your face turning red!"

"I am not. It's just warm in here."

"Uh huh. Sure it is Lieutenant." Joker could stop grinning over the fact that Kaidan was getting so flustered.

Irritated, Kaidan starting running scans on the computer systems. "Shut up Joker."

Getting to work on his calculations for the take off, Joker glanced over at Kaidan. "This is going to be a fun shakedown run."


	2. Chapter 2: Boy do I want to

(A/N: Chapter 2 is complete :D Hope you all enjoy!).

* * *

Raina Jae Shepard, or R.J. as she was commonly called by her mother and friends, stared out one of windows of the Normandy. She had been personally requested by Ambassador Udina and Admiral Hackett to be Captain Anderson's new Executive Officer aboard the Normandy. Her service record, success on Elysium, and her skills as an Adept prompting them for making their choice They had just deployed earlier that day for a shakedown run of the new Alliance warship to test out the stealth system.

_"Guess I should get up to the bridge." _Stepping away from the window, she made her way through the ship and up the stairs to the CIC. A smile came to her face when she thought about the run-in she had with two of the crewmen earlier that day. One was the Normandy's pilot and had a look of mischief in his eyes. "_Jeff "Joker" Moreau" _she confirmed to herself going off the dossiers that had been given to her by Anderson of the Normandy's crew. The other man was tall, muscular with dark hair and intense whiskey brown eyes. _"Kaidan Alenko"_

Her mind locked onto the image of his eyes. _"Lustful eyes"_ She smirked at the thought then suddenly jolted at the idea. She was his Commanding Officer, getting him into bed wasn't what she should be thinking about.

Her body rebelled against the rationalizing.

Even with her armor on, his hands on her when they ran into each other sent heat through her. She couldn't recall ever feeling something like that with guys in her past. She had dated as a teenager and while in training during her serviceman years, but none had set her body on fire from a simple touch.

"The Arcturus Prime relay is in range. Initiating transmission sequence." Joker's voice came over the intercom breaking her out of the dangerous path her mind was starting to take her down concerning the Lieutenant.

She entered the Command Information Center. It was filled with people running around doing one thing or another. Shepard weaved her way around, acknowledging those who took a moment to say "hello" or salute to her. Raina observed the people at the terminals on either side of her as she walked towards the bridge from the CIC.

She noticed the turian spectre standing behind the pilot chair. He had joined the crew for the shakedown run, though nobody seemed to know why a spectre would be present for such a thing.

"Shepard" The turian nodded his head greeting her then turned his attention back to the pilot. "Nihlus" They hit the relay and were launched through.

"Thrusters…check. Navigation…check. Internal emissions sink engaged. All systems online. Drift…just under 1500K." Joker proudly stated the last part as he checked off the status of the ship.

Nihlus nodded. "1500 is good. Your captain will be pleased." Without another word, Nihlus excused himself from the bridge and walked into the CIC.

A scowl came across Joker's face as soon as the spectre was out of earshot. "I hate that guy."

Kaidan looked over to the man to his left. "Nihlus gave you a compliment…so you hate him?"

The pilot scoffed looking over to Kaidan. "You remember to zip up your jumpsuit on the way out of the bathroom? That's good. I just jumped us halfway across the galaxy and hit the target the size of a pinhead. So that's incredible."

He turned his attention back to his navigation screens. "Besides, Spectres are trouble. I don't like having him on board. Call me paranoid."

Kaidan couldn't help but roll his eyes at Joker's attitude. "You're paranoid."

Raina smiled at Kaidan's remark and bit back a laugh.

Kaidan pinched the bridge of his nose feeling the pressure of a migraine trying to work its way in from Joker's complaining. "The Council helped fund this project. They have a right to send someone to keep an eye on their investment."

Now Joker rolled his eyes. "Yeah, that is the "official" story. But only an idiot believes the official story."

_"Alright, time to jump in before these two start an argument."_ Raina moved forward a bit, looking over Joker's shoulder. The fact that Nihlus was onboard for a routine shakedown run had been nagging at her as well. The Council never sent their agents out just to test drive a ship from allying races. If anything, the Spectres had much more important assignments to see too.

"They don't send Spectres on shakedown runs." She agreed.

"So there's more going on here than the captain's letting on."

As if he had heard the entire conversation on the bridge, Anderson's voice came in over the comm. "Joker! Status report."

Joker shifted in his seat a bit, wondering if Captain Anderson had been listening in on them. "Just cleared the mass relay, Captain. Stealth systems engaged. Everything looks solid."

"Good. Find a comm. buoy and link us into the network. I want mission reports relayed back to Alliance brass before we reach Eden Prime."

"Aye, aye, Captain. Better brace yourself, sir. I think Nihlus is headed your way."

Irritation creeped from Anderson's voice. "He's already here Lieutenant."

Joker shook his head at Anderson's reply as Kaidan glanced back to Joker.

"Tell Commander Shepard to meet me in the comm. room for a debriefing." Anderson disconnected after the order.

Joker looked back at Shepard standing behind him. "You get that, Commander?"

_"Well…that doesn't sound good." _ "Yeah. He sounds angry. Something must have gone wrong with the mission." She stepped away and moved through the CIC to the comm. room.

Turning his attention back ahead of him, Joker scoffed again. "Pff. Captain always sounds like that when he's talking to me."

Kaidan raised an eyebrow to Joker. "Can't possibly imagine why."

* * *

After stopping to talk with Pressley, Dr. Chakwas, and calming down Jenkins, a Corporal who was more than anxious to see action for the first time, Shepard entered the comm. room finding Nihlus inside instead of Anderson.

She slowed her pace becoming cautious of the Spectre and the reason why he was in here before the Captain. Nihlus turned from the vid of Eden Prime he had been watching.

"Commander Shepard. I was hoping you'd get here first. It will give us a chance to talk."

"Where's Captain Anderson? He said he'd meet me here."

Nihlus nodded. "He's on his way." The turian began pacing. "I'm interested in this world we're going to—Eden Prime. I've heard it's quite beautiful."

They discussed the human colony and Nihlus's hesitation on whether Humanity was truly ready to be a part of the galactic community when Anderson walked in behind Raina.

"I think it's about time we told the commander what's really going on." He had apparently overheard their conversation.

_"So there is more to this than just testing out the stealth systems. Joker was right." _Raina turned away from Nihlus to face Anderson.

The real mission was to make a covert retrieval of a Prothean Beacon that had been unearthed by researchers on Eden Prime. It was to be brought back to the Citadel for proper study. To add to it, Nihlus' real intention for being present was to evaluate her for becoming a Spectre. He was going to join her and her team on Eden Prime to see her combat and tactical skills first hand. Unsure of what to make of this new intel, Raina felt both honored for being considered to join the Spectres but also annoyed at all the secrecy concerning the mission as well as her candidacy. Surprises didn't sit well with her.

Joker's voice rang out over the intercom. "Captain! We've got a problem."

"What's wrong, Joker?"

"Transmission from Eden Prime, sir. You better see this!"

The vid screen in the comm. room turned on displaying the distress call they had received. Alliance troops were being attacked on the colony. Gunshots and explosions covered the screen and people either ran for cover or tried desperately to get out of danger. A loud screaming sound suddenly went off somewhere in the background. The brief footage of soldiers caught looks of disbelief on their faces. The vid quickly panned over to the image of a large object that looked like robotic hand coming out of the sky. The vid then dropped to the ground, probably signifying that whoever had been recording the footage had been injured before everything went to static.

Joker came back over the comm. after the vid ended. "Everything cuts out after that. No comm. traffic at all. Just goes dead. There's nothing."

The look on Anderson's face turned grave. "Status report."

"Seventeen minutes out, Captain. No other Alliance ships in the area."

"Take us in Joker. Fast and quiet. This mission just got a lot more complicated."

As Nihlus left to get ready, Anderson turned to Shepard. "Tell Alenko and Jenkins to suit up, Commander. You're going in."

* * *

Eden Prime looked nothing like the tranquil paradise it had been talked up to be. Fire, smoke, and death lingered in the air as Raina and her squad started forward from the drop point. Signaling her team to draw their weapons, they moved down a path towards their target location. "Eyes open and stay low."

As they moved further in, they came across burned bodies of civilians. Jenkins stepped closer to one, shocked. "Oh, god. What happened here?"

Raina's defenses went up. "Stay alert." As they came to a small clearing, she gave the signal to hold their positions. She carefully inched forward, inspecting the area for any hostiles. Seeing nothing of any threat, she signaled to move ahead_._

Jenkins moved further up. Geth assault drones popped out from behind a group of trees in front of the team, immediately blasting the targets in front of them. Jenkins, having no cover near to him went down instantly.

Raina and Kaidan both ran for cover. "Shit. Jenkins!" Pissed at one of her men already getting killed, she charged up a warp and threw it at one of the drones, destroying it. She ducked back behind her cover as they turned their attention to her and started blasting away.

Seeing the drones advance towards her, Kaidan used his biotics to throw what ones he could into nearby rock formations. After shooting down the ones that remained, the two were finally able to move out from the boulders they were ducked behind.

Kaidan went over to Jenkin's. He was dead. He closed his eyes and stood back up. "Ripped right through his shields. Never had a chance."

_"Dammit."_ Raina hated losing officers under her watch. More so over what happened on Elysium. Shaking off the guilt, she turned to Alenko, donning her Officer in Charge cloak. "He deserves a burial. We'll see that he receives a proper service once the mission is complete. But I need you to stay focused."

Kaidan nodded to her. "Aye, aye, ma'am."

Drawing their weapons again, they pushed forward. More assault drones approached them as they moved farther in. Raina was very skilled at combining her biotics with her combat training. Kaidan had never seen an L3 spike higher than him. Despite the fact that they were on a mission, he couldn't help but be impressed and admire her for it.

"I see someone." Raina spotted a female figure in Alliance armor running from the same drones that they had been fighting. The drones had managed to break through the soldiers shields. She tripped, but not before grabbing her pistol and shooting at the ones trying to pin her. After dealing with them, she spotted geth troops holding one of the colonists down over a pedestal. A spike shot out, impaling the man and lifting him off the ground. The female soldier ran behind a rock face, hoping that the geth hadn't seen her.

"She needs help Commander." Kaidan looked over to Shepard.

"Move." Raina ran forward towards the other soldier, Kaidan right behind her. She threw out a Singularity, trapping the Geth in its field. Not bothering with cover this time, she shot them down.

Kaidan watched as she moved. _"Wow, guess everything they said about her wasn't just hype."_

The other soldier came out from behind the rock face towards Shepard and Kaidan. "Thanks for your help, Commander. I didn't think I was going to make it." After catching her breath, she stood straight and saluted the two officers in front of her. "Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams of the 212. You the one in charge here, ma'am?"

"Are you OK? You wounded Williams?"

"A few scrapes and burns. Nothing serious. The others weren't so lucky." She sighed heavily, shaking her head at the thought of losing her team. "Oh man…We were patrolling the perimeter when the attack hit. We tried to get off a distress call, but they cut off our communications. I've been fighting for my life ever since."

"It's alright, calm down." Raina gave the shaken officer a chance to collect herself before asking her questions. "Where's the rest of your squad?"

"We tried to double back to the beacon. But we walked into an ambush. I don't think any of the others…I think I'm the only one left."

Seeing guilt on her face, Raina tried to reassure her. "This isn't your fault, Williams. You couldn't have done anything to save them."

"Yes, ma'am. We held our position as long as we could. Until the geth overwhelmed us."

Kaidan came up next to Shepard. "The geth haven't been seen outside the Veil in nearly 200 years. Why are they here now?"

Williams shrugged not sure herself. "They must have come for the beacon. The dig site is close. Just over that rise." She pointed in the direction of the site. "It might still be there."

Raina decided to bring Williams along with them. "Join us." She had already lost one person today, she wasn't about to leave another to fend for themselves. "We could use your help, Williams."

"Aye, aye, ma'am." After questioning her a little more about the beacon and the geth that had appeared, they moved out toward the dig site.

Aside from some geth they managed to clear out, nothing was there. The beacon was gone and anyone who had been unfortunate enough to have been spotted in the area had been killed.

"This is the dig site. The beacon was right here. It must have been moved."

Kaidan walked around examining the area. "By who? Our side? Or the geth?"

"Hard to say. Maybe we'll know more after we check out the research camp."

Shepard looked over one of the spikes that had impaled civilians on it. It made her stomach turn. "Think anyone managed to survive?"

"If they were lucky. Maybe hiding up in the camp. It's just on top of this ridge. Up the ramps."

They moved out of the dig site and up the ramps Ashley had mentioned. Nihlus had radioed in his updates periodically, but they still hadn't come across him. He agreed to meet them at a spaceport a few clicks away from their current position.

As they came out of the dig site, burned out builds came into view.

"Looks like they hit the camp hard."

Raina responded to Williams by grabbing her pistol. Ashley and Kaidan followed suit. "It's a good place for an ambush. Keep your guard up."

"Call out if you see anything." Raina moved ahead to scout out any enemies. More spikes with impaled bodies littered the area. The group's proximity must have triggered something, as the spikes began to lower themselves. The bodies on them still moving, but no longer human. They we warped into monstrous, cybernetic husks.

_"This isn't a scare tactic. They did something to them."_ Kaidan thought to himself. The husks began to run at them. "Oh, god! They're still alive."

Ashley was equally freaked out. "What did the geth do to them?"

"Take them out! Don't get close!" Raina started backpedaling as the husks approached them. Kaidan and Raina threw out Lifts and Singularities to keep the monsters at bay as the team picked them off.

They stood there staring at the twisted bodies after managing to shoot them all down. Kaidan shook his head in disbelief. "Where the hell did the geth get technology to do this?"

"I don't know and I'm not sure if I want to." Raina stared at the face of one of them. A chill went through her at the thought of what could do such a thing to a person, living or dead. "Let's move. We need to find that beacon."

They searched around the camp site for a bit before moving out. They came across a scientist and her assistant in a bunker they had managed to lock to keep themselves safe from the geth. The two had told what they could about the attack and that the beacon had been moved to the spaceport. They locked the bunker again as they left and went towards the spaceport.

As they approached a bridge, they saw something huge taking off. It was a ship. Massive in size and nothing like any of them had ever seen before. Red electrical currents surrounded it as it lifted up into the sky and launched away. _"That must have been what we saw in the vid."_

More geth and husks came at them as they crossed the bridge into a docking area. "Shit. Watch your shields and keep away from those husks." Raina yelled out the order as they exchanged fire between the geth and husks. Ducking behind a crate, she shot down one geth in the distance that had focused on her. As she turned to her other side, she came face to face with a husk that had managed to run up behind her.

As it threw back its arms to attack, its head jerked suddenly and fell to the ground lifeless. She looked in the direction of where the shot came from. Kaidan had gunned down the thing before it had a chance to get her. As Williams picked off the last of them, Kaidan approached Raina and helped her up.

"Thanks. Didn't see that thing sneak up on me."

"I've got your back, Commander."

She gave him a quick smile and patted his shoulder. Ashley walked over to the pair. "All clear. You ok Commander?"

"I am now thanks to the Lieutenant."

Kaidan was grateful to have his helmet on otherwise the two women would have seen the blush that had appeared on his cheeks. They continued on, coming across another bunker with people inside. This time farmers. They had seen the ship that had just taken off make its landing a few hours prior, and described it making an awful noise. Like a shriek of the damned that felt like it was coming from inside your head. They had been working when the ship came down and ran for it as soon as they saw it. They didn't know much about the beacon. With not much else to go on, the squad moved down to the docks.

A turian body laid in the middle. Kaidan walked closer. "Commander…It's Nihlus."

Something shifted behind the crates and all three soldiers drew their guns.

Another civilian popped out from behind the crates panic stricken. "Wait! Don't—Don't shoot! I'm one of you! I'm human."

Lowering their guns, Raina eyed the man in front of them. "You need to be more careful. Sneaking up on us like that nearly got you killed!"

"I…I'm sorry. I was hiding. From those creatures." He looked around them as if anticipating another attack. "My name's Powell. I saw what happened to that turian. The other one shot him."

"Tell me what happened. I need to know how Nihlus died."

"Uh…the other one got here first. He was waiting when your friend showed up. He called him Saren. I think they knew each other." Powell scratched his head unsure of what to make of what happened. "Your friend seemed to relax. He let his guard down…and Saren killed him. Shot him right in the back."

"What about the artifact? We were told a Prothean beacon was brought to the spaceport. What happened to it?"

"It's over on the other platform. Probably where that guy Saren was headed. He hopped on the cargo train right after he killed your friend."

"Let's go. If we're lucky, maybe we can still get to it before this Saren does." They headed towards the tram.

"Geth!" The walkway to the controls was flanked with troopers, assault drones, and destroyers. "Get to cover. If you have a clearing, move up!"

Shepard ran up first, getting as close as she could before taking cover behind one of the panels. She threw out a warp then began firing at the geth ahead trying to give her team a clearing to move forward. They kept up the pattern, moving left to right until they cleared out the geth and managed to get onto tram. Activating the controls, the tram moved forward towards the next platform.

Kaidan's eyes locked onto an object as they reached the end. "Commander, there's something over there." As they came to a stop, Kaidan hopped off first and headed over to the object he saw. "Shit" Kaidan brought up his omni-tool doing a scan of the area. "Commander, we've got a problem here."

"What is it Lieutenant?"

"Demolition charges. The geth must have planted them."

"They really don't want us getting to the beacon." Ashley commented.

"That's an understatement." Raina looked to Kaidan. "How many are there?"

"Four, all set to go off in just under five minutes. There's one on the opposite side of this one and two more further down on the right."

"I'll take care of them. You two cover me."

Kaidan and Ashley pulled out their weapons as Raina got to work disarming the first bomb as more geth started towards them.

Ashley ducked as one of the geth fired off rounds. "Hurry! We need to find them all and shut them down!"

"This one is disarmed. Move for the next one." They ran up a ramp and over a walkway to the other side. More geth rained shots at them as they tried to make their way across.

"This isn't good. They're trying to pin us down. We won't make it to the other bombs like this." Raina had to think of a way to get through. "Listen. I'm going to throw out a singularity at the enemies ahead. Once they are trapped I'll make a run for the next bomb. Try to keep up with me as best you can."

Kaidan looked at her. "Is that a good idea Commander?"

"It's either that or we and the rest of the colony go up in flames." She charged up a singularity and aimed it at the group of geth near the bomb. Once they were caught in the pull, she sprinted out of cover, Kaidan and Ashley on her heels giving her cover fire. She got to work disarming the bomb while trying to keep an eye on her squad.

Her omni-tool beeped, signaling that the bomb had been successfully disarmed. She yelled at her squad to move as she ran for the next one, using her biotics alongside Kaidan's to push the geth out of range or out of the way. She didn't want to use grenades and risk blowing one of the charges along with it. After disarming the third, they went for the last one. A shot pierced Raina's shields. She threw her back against a support as another bullet flew by her head.

"Commander! You OK?" Ashley called out as she and Kaidan both ducked behind crates.

"I'm fine! Shields just need a few seconds to recharge. Think we've got a sniper out there."

"I'm on it." Williams took out her assault rifle and attached a scope to it. Carefully, she peeked around her cover and focused in on the sniper. They met each other through their scopes. Ash fired before the sniper had a chance, bringing it down.

"Nice shooting Chief." With that out of the way, Raina moved to the final bomb and disarmed it. They backtracked to the opening where the beacon could be seen and went down another walkway. After clearing the last of the geth and husks, they made their way over to the beacon. It was glowing. Something had activated it.

Raina looked over to her Gunnery Chief. "Williams, is this it?"

"Yeah, but it wasn't doing that when the scientists found it."

"Well, we got it. I'll radio the Normandy for a pick up." She stepped back and hailed Joker. Meanwhile, Williams and Kaidan observed the beacon. Kaidan was fascinated that they had found an actual working Prothean artifact.

"This is amazing. Actual working Prothean technology. Unbelievable!"

"It wasn't doing anything like that when they dug it up." Williams stepped away heading back over to Shepard.

Kaidan moved in closer, hoping to get a better look. "Something must have activated it."

"Roger, Normandy. Standing by." Shepard turned around as Williams was coming up to her. "They're on the way. ETA five minutes."

Kaidan continued to move closer to the beacon, trying to figure out how it became active. The beacon grew brighter. Kaidan suddenly found himself unable to move. He was being pulled toward the beacon and couldn't get out of the pull. The light emanating from the beacon caught Shepard's attention. She looked around Williams and saw Kaidan being drawn towards the beacon. She pushed past the Chief and ran for her Lieutenant. Jumping up, she wrapped her arms around his waist as he began to be lifted off the ground and pushed him out of the way.

Now she was caught. Having no control over her body, the beacon lifted her off the ground like she was a ragdoll. Her whole body went stiff. Her head throbbed with so much pain as if someone was crushing it with a vise. Flashes of images invaded her mind.

"Shepard!" Kaidan made a move to go after her, but Williams held him back.

"No! Don't touch her! It's too dangerous."

The images came faster. She couldn't see anything around her. She couldn't hear anything around her. Fear griped at her as images of death and destruction flooded her mind. Finally, the beacon exploded, throwing her to the ground. Everything went dark.

Kaidan scrambled out of Willams' hold to Shepard's side. He turned her onto her back, she wasn't moving. "Commander? Commander, can you hear me?"

* * *

How many hours had it been since they got back on the Normandy? _"Six? Seven? Eight?" _Kaidan had lost count. Whatever the beacon had done to Shepard on Eden Prime had knocked her out cold and she still hadn't woken up. As soon as the Normandy had arrived, Kaidan scooped the Commander up in his arms and carried her back on to the ship. As the Gunnery Chief explained what happen to Captain Anderson, he rushed Shepard to the Med Bay.

Reassuring him that Raina would be alright, Dr. Chakwas shooed him out of the room so she could get the Commander's armor off and do a thorough check up on her. After talking with Anderson about the incident with the beacon, Kaidan took the lift down to the lockers to grab his uniform. _"A quick shower, then I'll go check on her." _

He was frustrated at himself, feeling that it was his fault for getting the Commander hurt. _"If I had been more careful, this wouldn't have happened."_ He turned his back to the shower head letting the hot water work the tension out of his shoulders. Guilt ripped at him. The image of her being thrown to ground, the pain on her face replayed over and over in his head as he washed the sweat off his body.

Turning off the water, he stepped out of the shower stall and dried himself off. He pulled his clothes on and ran a towel through his hair. He didn't particularly care to comb it back neatly with other things being on his mind, but did it anyway. Last thing he needed was someone getting on his case about grooming regs.

He made his way back to the Med Bay. Dr. Chakwas was sitting at her desk looking over a datapad. She looked up as he walked in. "Lieutenant. Did you need something? Are you getting a migraine again?"

"No Doc." He waved the woman off. "I just—How is she doing?" He looked over to Shepard who was now dressed in her crewman uniform. She still laid on the medical bed he had put her on when they had gotten back on the Normandy several hours ago. "Has she woken up yet?"

Dr. Chakwas shook her head. "No, not yet. No signs of a concussion or head trauma. The rest of her body is fine as well aside from some scrapes and bruises. I've hooked her up to a neurological monitor to keep track of her brain activity. Other than some abnormal beta waves that don't seem harmful, she's fine. We just have to wait until she wakes up."

Crossing his arms, Kaidan walked over to Raina. "I'll wait."

"That's not necessary Lieutenant. I've got everything under-"

"I insist Doctor." He looked to her, his eyes heavy with concern. "It's my fault she's in here in the first place."

Instantly sympathizing with him and seeing that trying to convince him otherwise would be pointless, Dr. Chakwas just nodded her head. "Alright, there is a chair in the other room if you want it. I was just going to see Captain Anderson and give him an update on the commander's condition, then stop in the Mess for dinner. Do you need anything? I can bring something back for you."

He smiled gratefully to the older woman and shook his head. "Thanks, Doc, but I'm fine."

"You're welcome, but you should get something to eat. According to the scans in your armor, you used your biotics a lot on your mission. Get some nourishment, it will help your body recover."

He couldn't help but smile at the doctor. She reminded him of his own mother. "Ok. I will later. Thanks again, doctor."

She nodded to him as she walked out. "Page me if there are any changes." She headed towards the stairs to the CIC.

Kaidan turned his attention back to Shepard. She looked like she was just sleeping. _"If only that were the case."_ He sighed heavily and walked over into the back room to retrieve the other chair the doctor had mentioned. He sat down beside Raina's bed. He leaned in when she groaned, thinking that she was about to wake up. _"False alarm"_ he thought to himself when her eyes didn't open. Her head fell in his direction, her face towards him.

Strands of her hair fell forward. Without thinking, Kaidan reached and brushed them aside. He hesitated on pulling his hand back. _"She's gorgeous."_ He thought again. Her skin was smooth under his touch. His fingers started tracing the features of her face. From her temple, down her cheek...her jawline...her chin. His eyes floated up looking over her closed eyes. Her lids were colored with a smokey grey eyeshadow. He didn't know why, but light touch of femininity from the small traces of makeup she wore just brought a smile to his face.

His eyes trailed over her nose, then finally settled on her lips. His thumb traced along her bottom lip as his mind began to wonder what it would be like to feel those lips against his. _"Not just her lips."_ He thought. _"Her entire body."_ His mind started playing around with scenarios of the two of them together. Pinning her against the wall somewhere on the ship where they couldn't be seen. Kissing her lips…her neck. The excitement of feeling her body tremble from his touch. He wanted to hear her say his name as his drove her crazy with his hands. He wanted to see what her body looked like underneath the uniform she was wearing.

Kaidan pulled his hand back. "What the hell am I thinking!?" He ran his fingers through his hair. She was his commanding officer, why the hell was he daydreaming about sleepingwith her? Not to mention, there were regs against fraternization between a CO and their subordinates that could get both of them kicked out of the Alliance.

"But I want to." He admitted out loud to no one in particular. A confession? Maybe. He rested his elbows on his knees and folded his hands together. He looked at her again. Her lips had parted as she breathed in and out. Kaidan sighed heavily. "Boy do I want to." He sat back in his chair. There was no clock in the room to tell what time it was, and thanks to the tangent his mind had decided to take on his CO, a certain body part had made the option of walking the daydream off seem like a very bad idea. He slipped down in the chair and rested his neck on the back, closing his eyes. Eventually, he drifted off to sleep, his dreams picking up where his mind left off in regards to Shepard.


	3. Chapter 3: I Dream of Spectres

(A/N: Chapter 3 is completed. Since we come across other characters in the ME universe that play significant roles in Shepard's life, I figured it wouldn't hurt to at least mention them. Still centered on Shenko though.)

* * *

"Kaidan? Kaidan, wake up."

The lieutenant slowly stirred awake from someone calling his name.

"Kaidan?"

Using the heel of his hands to rub the sleep away, Kaidan's eyes slowly adjust to the dimly lit room. Raina was sitting over the edge of the bed.

"Commander? You're awake. Are you OK?"

"I'm fine, thanks. Did you stay in here this whole time?"

Feeling a little embarrassed, he nodded. "Yeah. It was my fault you got knocked out from the beacon. I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"That was sweet of you. I appreciate it." She pushed off the bed to stand and swayed to the side losing her balance.

Kaidan shot up, catching her. "Whoa. Are you sure you're fine?"

She shook the haze from her head. "Yeah, I think so. I must have gotten up too fast."

He helped straighten her, keeping a grip on her arms. "I'm sorry Commander. I should have been more careful about how close I got to that thing."

She smiled at him. "I'm fine, just a bit lightheaded. It's not a big deal."

They suddenly became aware of how close they were to each other. Kaidan's daydream came back in full force. His mind clouded as his hands moved on their own to her waist. Raina tilted her head back to look at him, feeling his hands travel down her body. Their eyes locked on each other before Kaidan's dropped down to her mouth. Her eyes followed down to his. Both could read what the other was thinking. Before he could give himself too much time to rationalize his actions, Kaidan's lips crashed down on hers. First cautious, then soon fierce and demanding. As the kiss intensified, his tongue sought entrance to her mouth. Parting her lips, she invited him to take all that she offered.

Shepard had invaded his mind the moment he laid eyes on her and now she was with him, in the darkness of the Medical Bay. Her breath hitched as Kaidan moved away from her lips and down her neck. He kissed, nibbled, and sucked delighting at the feel of her body trembling against him.

"Kai-" She couldn't finish his name as her breath caught. He grinned at the fact that he was clouding her mind. Her hands went up to his head and brought his lips back to hers. He moved one of his hands from her waist to her breast, feeling it through the fabric of her shirt. He felt her nipple harden at his touch and tugged on it lightly through the fabric, making her moan. The sound sent his blood boiling, making him hard. He nibbled at her bottom lip trying to regain some restraint as his mind tried to force the reality that this woman he was intimately touching was also his commanding officer. Shepard's hands quickly came up again and trapped his head, forcing his lips back to hers. Kaidan smiled at the force she was using on him.

Still locked in the kiss, Raina pushed him down into the chair behind them and straddled his lap. She could feel his arousal against her thigh. The commander in her was gone. A seductress had come out and Kaidan was more than willing to give her what she wanted. Raina crossed her arms, grabbing the bottom of her shirt and pulling it off. She wore no bra. Kaidan pulled her to him, taking one of her breasts into his mouth while one hand stimulated the other. He slipped his other hand into her pants and found her already moist for him. He toyed with her folds and nub with his fingers, eliciting moans from Raina. She cried out as he slipped his fingers inside her. His tongue circled and flicked at the nipple of the breast he held in his mouth until it hardened again. He bit down making Raina moan louder.

He wanted to play with her first. Kaidan forced himself to pull away, a sound of disappoint slipping through her lips as Raina looked down at him. "Don't stop…"

Turning her around so she was sitting in his lap and her back pressed up against him, Kaidan brought his lips to her ear as his hands began to stroke her bare breasts. With his voice raspy and heavy with lust he whispered to her. "I don't intend to." He moved to her neck and bit down making her back arch against him. One of his hands travelled down her torso to the top of her pants, working at the button until he freed it and lowered the zipper. His hand slipped under the fabric of her panties and found her again, enjoying the feel of her wetness. Placing a finger on her nub, he moved it in slow circles. Raina gripped the back of Kaidan's neck and arm, her nails digging in and biting down on her lower lip. He grinned against her neck as her hips moved against his hand as he slipped a finger inside and began to move. Little by little he increased the speed. Her legs spreading in response to give him better access. He inserted another finger, thrusting deeper into her until she reached her climax coating his fingers with her essence. Raina went limp against him, her breathing shallow and ragged.

Kaidan moved to slip one of her arms around his shoulders so to carry her over to one of the beds. Raina caught his hands before he could move them. Finally gathering enough strength to move, she turned back around and straddled his lap again. The look in her eyes had shifted from want to desire. Grabbing at Kaidan's shirt, she tugged it off him, tossing it to the ground. Her eyes trailed over the length of his bare torso before bringing her lips back to his.

Her hands trailed down his chest, to his abs, and finally resting at the top of his pants. She tugged at the buckle of his belt, pulling it loose. Still feeling his arousal against her, she let her hands tease him, running her fingers over the waist of his pants. Laying a hand on his buldge, she rubbed him through the fabric. He wanted her, and she knew it. "Shepard…" Kaidan managed in between kisses. "You're killing me." Raina smirked into the kiss as she teased him more, grinding her hips into him while her hands toyed with the button of his pants. A growl came from deep within Kaidan's throat at her taunting.

His hands went to her waist. If she wouldn't give him what he wanted, he'd take it for himself, or so he thought. Raina grabbed his wrists and forced his hands down, the look on her face telling that she had no intention of letting him overpower her.. Seeing how worked up he was, she smiled. Her hands moved back to the button of his pants. He watched her as she undid the button, then painstakingly lowered the zipper. She had all the power this time and she planned to make good use of it by torturing him to death from the pure need of her.

Raina ran her hands over his chest, bringing them around his neck. Lowering her forehead to his, she looked him in the eyes and whispered. "I want you to enjoy this." Her voice was thick and sultry as she began tracing her lips over his, to his neck and down his chest. She followed left a trail of kisses down his body as she moved off his lap to kneel down in front of him. Her lips stopped below his navel as she dug her hands into his pants, pulling his arousal out. She licked his tip before looking up at his face. When they're eyes locked, she brought her mouth down around him. Kaidan's head fell back as his hands came up and stuck in her hair. "Sh-Shepard…" He groaned from the feel of her lips and tongue around his length. She glanced up at him, watching his face express ecstasy from what she was doing to him.

He'd gone mad. That was it. He couldn't think of any other rational reason of how this had managed to happen, and he didn't care. He wanted her, and here she was. Locked in the Med Bay with him in the dark. Kaidan could feel the tension build up inside of him. _"Not yet."_ He pushed the chair away and picked her up, dropping her onto one of the medical beds. Like a madman, he wasted no time pulling off her boots. They crashed against something as he threw them aside. His hands tugged at her pants also tossing them aside once they were off. The only thing that stood between them was the flimsy piece of fabric around her waist. He gripped her legs and pulled her down so that he was inches away from her entrance.

Gripping her waist, Kaidan looked Raina in the eyes. He needed some restraint, some small grip of sanity to hold onto before he did something he might regret. "Shepard…Raina." His voice was raspy from desire. He wouldn't do this unless she wanted it as much as he did.

She looked at Kaidan, need radiated from every inch of her body. "What Kaidan?"

"Do you want me?" His mind shouted for her to say Yes. She nodded.

"Say it Raina. Tell me you want me."

Taking his face in her hands, she brought her lips to his ears and whispered. "Take me Kaidan."

He couldn't take it anymore. He pulled at her panties and heard them rip as he pulled them off. Without another word, he plunged into her.

* * *

Bright lights forced Kaidan awake.

Dr. Chakwas walked in. "Oh, sorry. Didn't mean to wake you, Lieutenant."

"What?" Kaidan rubbed his eyes, trying to clear his vision. A blanket had been placed on him at some point.

Dr. Chakwas laid her papers and datapads on her desk. "You fell asleep. You've been in here for seven hours."

Shaking his head to clear away the haze, he glanced around the room._ "That was a dream?"_ Kaidan couldn't believe it. Everything was so vivid. As he pushed himself up in the chair to sit straight, he was instantly grateful for the blanket that was on him as he felt his erection strain against the confines of his pants. Images of the dream flashed through his mind. _"What the hell was that?"_

"Are you feeling well Kaidan?" The doctor eyed him with some concern.

He looked up and gave her a reassuring smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just a stiff…neck is all." Thankfully it was a believable excuse as his neck was killing him. He rolled his head around trying to loosen the muscles. Dr. Chakwas pushed a glass of water and two white pills in front of his face.

"Aspirin. It should help with the neck pain."

"Thanks, Doc." Accepting the meds, he popped them in his mouth and chased it with the water. Feeling safe enough to stand, Kaidan pulled the blanket off of him and pushed himself up to his feet. He neatly rolled up the blanket and placed it on one of the beds then took the chair into the back office. Putting his hand on the back of his neck, he tried to work out the knot that had formed sometime during the night as he walked back into the main room.

* * *

_"Where am I? What happened?" _Muffled voices slowly began to come clearer as her eyes slowly opened. Her head swam, still feeling a slight throbbing. Her eyes adjusted to the light as she pushed herself to sit up.

"Doctor? Doctor Chakwas. I think she's waking up." Crossing his arms across his chest, Kaidan walked over to Shepard as she sat up. She rubbed at her temples trying to make the throbbing in her head ease away. Dr. Chakwas came up beside her.

"You had us worried there Shepard." She stood in front of her. "How are you feeling?"

Raina rubbed her eyes. "I'm okay, minor throbbing. Nothing serious. How long was I out?"

"About fifteen hours. Something happened down there with the beacon, I think."

Kaidan stepped forward. "It was my fault."

Raina looked over her shoulder to him.

"I must have triggered some kind of security field when I approached it. You had to push me out of the way."

"Don't blame yourself. You had no way to know what would happen." She didn't hold him responsible for what happened. Feeling relieved that Shepard wasn't upset with him, Kaidan grinned at her before she turned her attention back to the doctor.

"Actually, we don't even know if that was what set it off." The doctor shrugged. "Unfortunately, we'll never get the chance to find out."

Dropping his arms, Kaidan walked in front of Shepard. "The beacon exploded. System overload, maybe. The blast knocked you cold. Williams and I had to carry you back here to the ship."

"Thanks. I appreciate it."

Kaidan gave her an acknowledging nod.

"Physically, you're fine. But I detected some unusual brain activity, abnormal beta waves."

Listening to the doctor, Raina pushed herself off the side of the medical bed and leaned against it crossing her arms.

"…I also noticed an increase in your Rapid Eye Movement. Signs typically associated with intense dreaming."

Raina dropped her gaze to the floor, remembering the images that had been burned into her mind from the beacon. "I was dreaming…I saw-I'm not sure what I saw. Death. Destruction. Nothing's really clear."

Doctor Chakwas crossed her arms, tapping a finger against her bicep as she processed the commander's description. "Hmm. I better add this to my report. It may-Oh, Captain Anderson."

Raina stood up as Anderson walked in.

"How is our XO holding up doctor?"

"All the readings look normal. I'd say the commander's going to be fine."

"Glad to hear it. Shepard, I need to speak with you-in private."

"Aye, aye, Captain. I'll be in the mess if you need me." Kaidan saluted before walking out of the Med Bay with Dr. Chakwas. He glanced back at the closed door behind him, images from his dream flashed back in his mind. Shaking them off, he walked over to the counter and grabbed a cup of coffee hoping the caffeine buzz would help sweep away any lingering images that were trying to pry their way in.

He spotted Ashley standing over on the opposite side of the counter pacing back and forth and walked over to her. "You okay Williams? You look a bit nervous."

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just finished talking to Captain Anderson. He's offered me a position here on the Normandy. Just not sure if I've earned it."

"If Anderson offered the spot to you, he must think you do. He wouldn't have asked otherwise."

Ashley shrugged. "I guess. I'm just not sure since I-since I lost my entire squad." She looked down at her hands.

Kaidan nodded, understanding. His mind drifted to the image of Jenkins. It was the first time he had lost a friend under his command. "Losing soldiers is an unfortunate consequence of our jobs. We lost one of our own before the commander and I found you."

"Yeah, I heard. I'm sorry about Corporal Jenkins."

"I am too. He was a good soldier, and good friend."

The door to the med bay opened, Anderson walked out heading back to the CIC. Shepard came out next heading towards Ashley.

"Looks like the commander wants to talk with you." Excusing himself, Kaidan walked over the dining table. He leaned against a partition as he watched Raina speak with Ashley then with Dr. Chakwas. He could have sworn he heard his name mentioned between the two. As she finished talking with the doctor, she headed towards him. He stood straight as she came closer.

"Commander, I'm glad to see you're okay. Losing Jenkins was hard on the crew and…I'm glad we didn't lose you too."

"How are you holding up? Things were pretty rough down there."

He nodded. "Yeah. You never get use to seeing dead civilians. It doesn't seem right somehow, but at least you stopped Saren from wiping out the whole colony."

"You helped. I couldn't have done it without you."

Kaidan shifted in his spot, his mind poking at the idea that she was flirting with him. Wishful thinking? "We're marines. We stick together. I'm just sorry we lost Jenkins."

Raina sighed heavily. "Jenkins will be missed. I wish I could have done something to save him."

"I was there, you did everything right! It was just…bad luck." He paused for a second thinking over the latest events. "It's been a hell of a shakedown cruise. Our first mission ends with one spectre killing another. The citadel council is not gonna be happy about that. Probably use it to lever more concessions out of the Alliance."

_"He's well informed"_ she admitted, impressed. "Seems like you've been around. You've got a good grasp of the situation. You a career man?"

"Yeah, a lot of biotics are. We're not restricted, but we sure don't go undocumented." He shrugged. "Might was well get a paycheck for it. Besides, my father served. Made him proud when I enlisted…eventually."

He brushed the topic aside, not wanting to think about his past at that moment. "Is that why you're here? Because of your family?"

"We were farmers. My family were Homesteaders on Mindoir." Raina took a deep breath. Even with the death of her parents behind her, she preferred to avoid talking about their deaths. "I'm the only one left, but I've moved beyond that."

"Oh, that's right. The Blitz. I imagine that bought you any post in the fleet. Word is we're heading for the Citadel, ma'am. Can you, uh, tell me why?"

"Anderson wants to brief the council. The captain hopes the ambassador can get an audience with them. Tell them what Saren has been up to."

"Makes sense. They'd probably like to know he's not working for them anymore. Whatever happens, we'll be ready for them, commander."

Dismissing herself, Raina made her way to the bridge. She could see the Citadel coming into view. The station was a breathtaking site. The sheer size of the arms were impressive. Kaidan and Ashley came up behind her. Ash ran over to one of the windows of the bridge to get a better view. Kaidan pointed out the Destiny Ascension, the council's flagship. Joker made some comment about the size of it, which Ashley was quick to make a quip about. Kaidan and Ashley went back and forth discussing the ship as Joker brought the Normandy in to dock.

"Alright. Lieutenant, Chief, get suited up. Anderson wants us at Ambassador Udina's office." The three left the bridge to get prepared.

* * *

As the trio approached Udina's office, they could hear the ambassador yelling through his office door. As they entered the spacious office, Raina spotted Anderson standing behind Udina who was screaming at holograms of the council. Anderson gestured for them to come in while Udina continued his argument. They moved over to the balcony, watching people on the Presidium until Udina shut off the consoles and gave his attention to the party behind him.

Udina scowled at them, his mood obviously soured from the council brushing off Saren's attack on a human colony. "Captain Anderson. I see you brought half your crew with you."

"Just the ground team from Eden Prime. In case you had any questions."

"I have the mission reports. I assume they're accurate?"

"They are. Sounds like you convinced the Council to give us an audience."

"They were not happy about it." Udina brought his gaze over to Shepard, directing his anger at her. "Saren's their top agent. They don't like him being accused of treason."

Raina stood next to Anderson, folding her hands behind her back. "He's dangerous. Saren's a threat to every human colony out there. He needs to be stopped. The Council has to listen to us!"

Udina's brow furrowed, his irritation growing to full out annoyance. "Settle down, Commander. You've already done more than enough to jeopardize your candidacy for the Spectres. The mission on Eden prime was a chance to prove you could get the job done. Instead, Nihlus ended up dead and the beacon was destroyed."

Anderson stepped forward, cutting off Udina's path of accusation. "That's Saren's fault, not hers!"

Udina took a deep breath before continuing. "Then we better hope the C-Sec investigation turns up evidence to support our accusations."

He brought his attention back to Sheppard. "Otherwise the Council might use this as an excuse to keep you out of the Spectres."

Turning back to Anderson. "Come with me, Captain. I want to go over a few things before the hearing…Shepard, you and the others can meet us at the Citadel Tower. Top Level. I'll make sure you have clearance to get in."

Anderson and Udina walked out, heading to the Citadel Tower. As the door closed behind the two men, Ashley turned around from the balcony and looked to Shepard. "And that's why I hate politicians."

Before heading to the Tower and having more than enough time to waste, the three decided to explore the Citadel. They wandered other areas of the Embassy and the Presidium. Raina was a little surprised by how many people seemed to already know her without having met her before. They stopped at a few shops and stocked up on supplies. A few people sought out their help with personal matters, which they agreed to help with. They even managed to come across the infamous asari consort, Sha'ira, who seemed to have an unusual attraction to Raina, as far as Kaidan noticed anyhow. After a while, they ended up in the Upper Wards.

"Hey, check that out." Ashley walked over to an oversized window that looked out over the entire view of the Citadel.

"Big place!" Kaidan was awe-struck. There was so much more to the station and they hadn't even seen half of it in the past few hours they spent exploring.

Ash decided to poke a little fun at the lieutenant. "That you're professional opinion, sir?"

Raina leaned in closer to the railing, getting a better view. "He's right, chief. This isn't a station, it's a city!"

"There must be millions here. It can't be possible to track everyone coming and going."

Ash grinned. "This makes Jump Zero look like a Port-a-john, and it's the largest deep space station the Alliance has."

Kaidan shrugged. "Jump Zero is big, but this is a whole 'nother scale. Look at the Ward arms. How do they keep all that mass from flying apart?"

"We have to work to measure up. The council represents more races than I thought. No wonder they're careful about newcomers."

"They probably just want to keep everything running. It has to be hard trying to keep all these cultures working together."

Ashley scoffed. "Or maybe they just don't like humans."

"What's not to like? We've got oceans, beautiful women, this emotion called "Love". According to the old vids, we have everything they want."

"When you put it that way, there's no reason they wouldn't like you." Kaidan caught himself. _"Dammit, I just said that out loud!"_ He quickly tried to cover up his slip. "I mean us, humans…ma'am." Dropping his head, more embarrassed than he ever thought possible, he silently cursed himself. _"Wow, Alenko. Just wow…real fucking smooth."_

Ash couldn't resist the temptation to mess with Kaidan. "You don't take much shore leave, do you L.T.?"

Raina smiled at her squad. She found Kaidan's attempt to avoid eye contact at that moment to be cute and couldn't help but be a little amused at Ashley's prodding. At least now her curiosity about the Lieutenant was sated, and couldn't be happier about it. He _was_ attracted to her. _"I'll have to explore this later."_ The smile on her face widened at the thought.

"All right, laugh it up, chief. I appreciate the thought, Alenko, but we're on duty here."

He was pretty damn sure his face was bright red now, and a little irritated he couldn't hide it at the moment. "Um…aye aye, ma'am."

"We better head up to the tower now." Raina stepped away from the window and started heading towards the elevator.

"I'll walk drag, ma'am." Ashley grinned at Kaidan was he walked past her. He wasn't sure who he wanted to kick more, himself or Ashley for all the teasing.

Walking off the elevator to the top level of the Citadel Tower, they came upon two turians arguing over the investigation of Saren. One they recognized as Executor Pallin, who they had earlier spoken to inside of the Embassies.

"Saren's hiding something! Give me more time. Stall them." The other turian argued with the Executor.

"Stall the Council? Don't be ridiculous! You're investigation is over, Garrus." Without another word, the Executor turned his back on the turian he had called Garrus and walked out. Spotting the three from the corner of his eye, Garrus looked over to them. He too seemed to know Raina from reputation alone. Kaidan looked over to her. He had heard of her heroics just like everyone else, but he hadn't considered that stories of her actions had carried across to alien races as well. Realizing they were now running late, he reminded Shepard of their meeting with the Council.

Anderson stood by waiting for them to arrive. "The hearing's already started. Come on."

* * *

As Kaidan and Ashley chatted behind her on the elevator ride up back to the Normandy, Raina thought over the day's events. They had gone from the Council denying Saren's betrayal to them to finally getting them to see the truth thanks to a Quarian named Tali'Zorah nar Rayya and the intel she managed to get from the audio banks of a geth memory core. The quarian was now going to join Raina's crew against Saren, along with a Krogan merc named Urdnot Wrex and the now former C-Sec turian Garrus Vakarian.

Along with all the chaos, she had just been named the first human Spectre. She now had multiple resources available to her to track down Saren without having to worry about Alliance red tape. The elevator chime went off, bringing Raina out of her thoughts. As the door opened, she saw Anderson and Udina standing by the docking bridge awaiting her arrival.

_"I already don't like where this is going…"_ She was right. Anderson was stepping down as the commanding officer of the Normandy and giving it to her. Feeling like she wasn't getting the whole story from him, Raina prodded Anderson until her gave her the truth. He had been considered as a Spectre at one point in the past, but was passed over after an incident during a mission with Saren. Reassuring the captain that she wouldn't let him down, Udina gave her her first couple of leads to find the Conduit. They were to head to Feros and Noveria to investigate reports of geth in the systems after tracking down and finding Matriarch Benezia's daughter, Liara T'Soni on the planet Therum.

(Next – Chapter 4: Finding Liara and Adventurous women.)


	4. Chapter 4: adventurous women

(A/N: Chapter 4 done. Sorry if some parts seem a little sloppy and/or lame. Wrote part of this chapter while I was tired.)

* * *

Therum's surface was absurdly hot. The armor of the Mako did nothing to block out the outside temperature and with the team's own gear, it just made the blistering heat worse. The cramped, claustrophobic interior wasn't helping the situation either. Raina sat in the driver's seat of the Mako, Kaidan monitored the radar and sensors, and Garrus made claim to the vehicle's weapons.

The tank rattled and jerked them around as Raina plowed down the makeshift path heading to the dig site that Joker marked on the radar.

"Sharp left turn up ahead, commander." Kaidan gripped the console as Raina whipped the mako around the turn and climbing up a steep hill.

Raina scowled as she drove on. "I hate this thing! Need to practically drive off a cliff just to get this damn tank to move!"

Kaidan looked out over one of the chasms they passed by. Molten sulfur was all he could see for miles. "Yeah, let's try not to drive off any cliffs though."

A mischievous grin spread across her face. "No promises, lieutenant." She gunned the gas before hitting the thrusters to jump over a pipe line that lied in middle of the rocky path. "See anything on sensors yet?"

"Nothing ye-" Kaidan cut off as their sensors went off picking up hostiles in the area. "Heads up! We got a Geth dropship coming up on our six."

Raina hit the brakes as the dropship moved overhead. She shifted in reverse as it moved in front of them, geth units dropping down. "You're up Garrus."

"I'm on it, just keep out of their line of fire." The turian opened fire as Raina shifted gears again and began running forward, moving left, right, and up to dodge the Siege Pulses from the two Armatures. They continued forward to their target, crossing more geth as they pressed on. Shots rained down on them as they approached an outpost, taking down the mako's shields.

"Dammit! Hang on!" Raina slammed the breaks and threw the mako in reverse, retreating behind a rock formation. "Garrus! What's going on up there?"

"They have a set up of heavy turrets up ahead. Three of them. We're dead in the water if we try a head-on assault."

"Shit, we need to get past if we're going to get the dig site." Raina looked over to Kaidan. "Any alternate routes nearby we can make use out of?"

Punching in a few commands, Kaidan brought up a detailed map of the area. Zooming in on their current location, he examined the terrain for another path. "Got it. There's a narrow path right by us. It'll take us in past the main gate here and into the outpost. We'll still run into some resistance, but we'll have a better chance of not getting ourselves killed by the heavy artillery."

"Got it." Swinging the vehicle around, they back tracked a short distance and down the path Kaidan found. The mako's cannon made quick work of a single turret and the remaining geth ground forces as they came into the compound.

"Looks like the way ahead is past that gate." Kaidan gestured to south of the compound. "From the looks of it, the geth locked it. We'll need to get it open manually."

"Alright, everyone out." Pushing the hatch open, the team climbed out. "Split up and look around. There has to be a command console somewhere around to get the gate open. Keep your eyes open, and radio in if you have something."

Each took off in a different direction searching the bunkers and equipment that littered the area. Gunfire echoed within one of the bunkers.

Raina ran out into the opening, her team nowhere in sight. "What was that? Garrus? Kaidan?"

There was a brief silence over the radio before Kaidan's voice came through. "Fine, commander. Just ran into a geth."

Noticing she was holding her breath, she let it out. "You ok?"

"All good, ma'am. Think I've got something here." Radios went silent again as the south gates creaked before lowering into the ground.

"Whatever you did got the gate open. Good job, Alenko. Both of you get back to the mako. Let's get out of here." Raina collapsed her gun onto her back and backtracked to the mako. All took their previous positions in the tank before continuing on to the dig site. Raina slammed on the accelerator, speeding down the path. Garrus opened fire on more Armatures as they blazed by.

Kaidan gripped the overhead handle near his head as an extra support to keep him in his seat as the mako rattled and thudded over the terrain. Raina had a look on her face as if she was racing against someone to the site. He couldn't tell if she was crazy or was having way too much fun with plowing geth down with the armored vehicle. Maybe a little of both. He slammed into the wall as she cut the wheel to the left, barely missing having the wheel fall over the side of a molten sulfur filled ditch.

Once they leveled off, he pulled himself back onto his seat. "Ok, that's it. Next time, I'm driving."

Raina laughed at him. "You wish, Alenko."

Garrus called down from his position on the cannon. "Shepard, colossus, 12 o'clock."

"I got it." Pressing the accelerator to the floor, Raina aimed the mako at her foe. Siege pulses shot the mako head on, taking the shields down to half.

Kaidan grabbed her arm. "Commander, our shields."

They mowed down geth foot soldiers at full speed, followed by the colossus, trapping it underneath the weight of the mako crushing it. "We're fine."

_"Ok, both. Definitely both."_ Kaidan breathed out releasing his hand on Shepard's wrist.

Using the mako's scope to check ahead, Garrus spotted the dig site. "Target is up ahead, but looks like we'll have to continue on foot. Rock formations are blocking the path. We can't take the Mako through."

"Got it." Raina pulled the vehicle in front of the blocked entrance. Setting off on foot, they sprinted up the path fighting through troopers and dodging snipers. As they approached the entrance to the dig site, another geth dropship flew over head. An Armature dropped in front making them dive for cover. Ghosts hopped around at every angle attempting to pick off their shields, leaving them at a disadvantage with sticking to cover to avoid the blasts from the Armature.

Raina ordered Garrus and Kaidan to take out the troopers and ghosts while she focused on taking the Armature down. The blasts of one of the pulses caught her off guard, knocking her to the ground and into the path of the enormous walker. Scrambling to get back on her feet, a ghost hopped onto the structure above, aiming its laser at her while the Armature powered up another pulse.

Raina's heart slammed in her chest as she stumbled onto her feet as both synthetics fired at her. An arm came around her waist; the blue of a biotic glow surrounded her along with a familiar shimmering sensation. Kaidan grabbed her into time to throw up a barrier and pull them both back behind cover.

"Commander! You all right?" He gently released his grasp on her.

"I am thanks to you. That's the second time you've saved my ass." The barrier faded from her, but the shimmering feeling still lingered.

"Clear!" Garrus walked over. "Everyone good?"

"Yeah. Come on, we have to find Dr. T'Soni. Then we can get out of here."

* * *

"Move! This whole place is coming down!" A battle with a krogan working for Saren trapped Raina and her team underground longer than she liked. A laser they used to blast past a barrier that trapped Liara triggered a seismic reaction.

Raina, Kaidan, Garrus, and Liara mad a mad dash for the exit and falling rocks began to fall, taking out parts of the catwalk that led back to the surface. Raina looked behind her as the walkway fell beneath their feet. "Move, move, move!"

Kaidan was the first one out, followed by Garrus and Liara. Raina was the last to emerge. Relieved to have made it out in time, she stopped to catch her breath. All four piled into the mako and blasted up into the Normandy's cargo hold.

* * *

Everyone was exhausted. Raina dismissed everyone from the comm. room and was now wrapping up her update with the council over the events on Therum. It was giving her a headache with how naïve and close-minded they were. After giving Joker orders to head back to the Citadel to restock on supplies, she headed down to the showers. Four weeks already passed by since command of the Normandy and her crew was handed over to Raina. She had her own commands before, but nothing of this magnitude.

Raina walked into the showers. There was a bank of shower stalls for men that were separated from the women's by a short dividing wall. The sinks and counters were shared by both sides. Noticing another uniform laying on the counter, she set hers down beside it. _"Ashley must be in here."_ Not giving the second uniform much more thought, Raina grabbed a towel and stripped off her clothes, walking into the women's shower. She stepped into a stall, turning the hot water on. The muscles in her neck and shoulders relaxed as she let the water beat down on her.

Squeezing some of her body wash onto a towel, she began scrubbing off the thin layer of dust that managed to get into her armor and on to her while she and her team were inside the dig site on Therum. She lingered under the stream of water as it rinsed the conditioner from her hair. Clean, and feeling renewed, Raina shut off the water and stepped out. She patted her skin dry before wrapping her towel around her body. Grabbing a smaller one, Raina toweled off her hair as she walked back to the counter to grab her uniform. As she looked up, Kaidan came through the entrance of the men's shower. The only thing on him was a towel wrapped around his waist.

Raina shrieked. "Kaidan!"

Surprise registered on Kaidan's face before his mind realized what was going on. "Commander!" They both ducked around the corners of the showers.

Raina's heart pounded so loud she could hear it in her ears. She just saw Kaidan in nothing but a towel. She pressed her hands to her face as the image popped back into her head. "Stop thinking about it!" She yelled quietly to herself.

"Sorry, Commander! I didn't know you were in here." Kaidan had seen in full view, his commanding officer in nothing but a towel. He shook his head, trying to get the image to go away, but it persistently stayed. "Great, now there's something I won't be able to get off my mind for a while." He muttered to himself. He'd been trying hard to hide his attraction to her, but the eyeful he just got wasn't about to let that happen.

"No, I'm sorry! I saw the other uniform when I walked in, but I didn't pay much attention to it. I thought Williams was in here." That sounded like such a lame excuse, even if it was the truth. Raina laid a hand over her heart, trying to will it to calm down. "Um, you can grab your uniform if you want."

Kaidan turned his head in the direction of her voice. "No, you go ahead, ma'am. I insist."

She peeked around the corner in his direction. "You sure?"

"Yes. I promise I won't look." Kaidan slapped his forehead with the palm of his hand. _"Ok, bad choice of words."_

Making sure no one else was coming in or out, Raina quickly dashed over and grabbed her uniform. Hearing her footsteps, Kaidan began to peek around the corner. He stopped and threw his back against the wall. _"What are you thinking?"_

"OK, I'm good now." Raina called out from the other side. Kaidan peered around the corner, not seeing anyone in sight. He walked over, picking up his uniform and into a changing stall. Raina finished first, and quickly made her way out of the showers.

"Rounds. I'll do my rounds. That should give me some time and distraction to get my mind off of seeing Kaidan in a towel." The image came back into her head as she hit the button on the lift to the Cargo hold. _"Oh god, that image is not going away any time soon."_ She knew Kaidan was good looking on his own with clothes on, but seeing him in just a towel brought a new perspective to that. He was sexy…damn sexy. His body was more toned than she thought, hinting that he must have been working out during his off time. She also had that body pressed up against her when Kaidan grabbed her to use his barrier on them back on Therum. Her mind substituted Kaidan's semi-naked body in place of his armored one as she thought about him saving her for a second time.

_"I need to be careful."_ Making a point to remind herself of that, Raina stepped off the lift and made her way into Engineering to talk to Adams and Tali. Tali enthused over the Normandy's drive core and asked Raina about the Alliance. Silently, she thanked Tali as her questions and stories about her people distracted Raina enough for the image of Kaidan to temporarily fade away.

Completing her rounds on the deck three, Raina boarded the lift back up to the mess. Stepping off the lift, she rounded the corner and spotted Kaidan working on a terminal near the Captain's quarters. The image of him nearly nude came back in full force.

_"I want him…" _Raina internalized the confession. She knew there were regs that would make any intimate relationship between them a risk, but then again she did build a career on taking risks.

Taking care to be quiet, she sat on the edge of the mess hall table watching him work. He didn't seem to notice her presence as he tinkered with the terminal. Small droplets of sweat formed at his temples from the light he was working under. Her eyes trailed over his body. The shirt of his uniform was fitted to his form, seeming to mold to his build. She could make out his chest and six pack underneath the fabric, see the muscles in his arms flex as he worked.

She'd seen other men like him on bases and ships. All well toned from physical training and attractive in their own way. Some made passes at her, even asked her out. She turned most of them down, mainly from not finding them interesting. The ones she did go out with, the relationship never amounted to anything. She didn't feel any connection with them.

_"Why do I feel that he's different from them?"_ Other than his personnel file, service record, and the short amount of time they'd spent together on the Normandy, she didn't really know him.

Two female officers, both Corporals, walked by. They both chatted intimately with each other, giggling as they passed by Kaidan. Both batted their eyelashes at him and let out a flirtatious "Hi Lieutenant Alenko." Looking up from what he was doing, he returned the greeting to the two girls before bringing his attention back to his work. The two grinned like love-struck high school girls. Once they were out of his line of sight, they squealed before scurrying onto the lift down to Engineering.

She quirked an eyebrow at the two girls amused. Kaidan seemed to attract the attention of a lot of the female officers, which he also seemed oblivious too. As Raina turned her attention back to Kaidan, she saw him move away from the terminal. He stretched out his back and wiped the sweat from brow. Figuring he was taking a break, Raina stood up and walked over to him.

Noticing her approach, Kaidan turned to her. He stood straight, trying to hide that fact he was a little uncomfortable at the moment. "Commander, do you have a minute?"

Seeing that he was a bit nervous, Raina put on a relaxed attitude. "I'm listening. I always make time for my officers."

"I'm really sorry about what happened earlier. I didn't-" Raina cut him off by holding up a hand.

"Forget it Kaidan. It wasn't your fault." She shrugged it off. "It was a mutual accident between us. It happens."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."Kaidan breathed out, seeming to relax a bit. "There is another reason I wanted to talk to you."

"Oh? What is it?"

The events with the Council involving Saren had been nagging at him for some time. He couldn't believe how they could be so casual about matters. He was happy to see Shepard come by, hoping she would lend an ear so he could vent his thoughts.

"Off the record, I think there's something wrong here. This Saren is looking for records on some kind of galactic extinction, but we can't get back-up from the Council?"

Irritation coated his tone as he thought over the situation. "Sorry Commander, there's writing on the wall here, but someone isn't reading it."

"I hear you." She said the words breathing out. "The Council doesn't want to believe anything is wrong. I'd call it Human Nature, but…"

"I hear ya. It just seems that a group that's been around as long as the Council should see this coming." Kaidan paced around a bit. "I mean it's funny. We finally get out here, and the final frontier was already settled. And the residents don't even seem impressed by the view, or the dangers."

Raina pondered. _"That's a cute way of looking at it."_ "Well, well. You're a Romantic. Did you sign on for the dream Alenko? Secure man's future in space?"

Kaidan got a small thrill of the sound of her saying his name and laughed a little at her calling him a romantic. "Yeah, I read a lot of those books when I was a kid where the hero goes to space to prove himself worthy of a woman he loves." He caught himself again and quickly compensated." Or, you know, for justice."

He said "love". Was he in love with Raina? They only knew each other for a few weeks; it was too soon to tell. _"Or is it?"_ His mind started contemplating. He'd heard of people falling in love at first sight, but never really bought into the idea. Now he wasn't sure. Before he could overthink it, Kaidan steered the conversation back on topic before he would slip again. "Maybe I was romantic in the beginning, but I thought about it after Brain Camp." Realizing that Shepard wouldn't get the reference, he elaborated. "Ah, sorry, Biotic Acclimations and Temperance Training. I'm not looking for the dream, I just wanna do some good. See what's out here. Sorry if I got too informal. Protocol wasn't a big focus back in BAaT.

Raina didn't care about formalities dropping while they talked. She was interested to learn more about him. She liked talking with him. "That's all right. Tell me about it."

Kaidan relaxed a bit as he told her about his past. He didn't intend to, but Raina was just easy to talk to. "Botic Acclimations and Temperance didn't last past the airlock. To the kids they hauled in, it was Brain Camp. Sorry, "hauled in" is unkind. We were "encouraged to commit to an evaluation of our abilities, so an understanding of biotics could be complied."" Kaidan emphasized the saying so Shepard would understand how much of a bull story it was. "There are worse results of accidental exposure to Element Zero in the womb. Beats the brain tumors some kids grew up with."

That piqued Raina's curiosity. "You doubt it was accidental? Is there some question about how you were exposed?"

"My mother was downwind of a transport crash. It was before there were human biotics. A little after the discovery of the Martian ruins. It only gets iffy around…'63 when Conatix was running out of first gen subjects. Until then, they relied on accidentals."

Raina gave him a puzzled look. "Accidentals?"

"A bunch of guys in suits showed up at your door after school and the next thing you know, you're out on Jump Zero."

"Do you know of any intentional exposures for certain?"

Kaidan shook his head. "No one knows. Doesn't mean they didn't happen. As big as the exposures were, it was hard to track down accidentals. It was different then. No one knew the potential so there wasn't a lot of regulation. Anything Conatix did was gold. I'm not saying they intentionally detonated drives over our outposts, but in retrospect, they were damn quick on the scene."

"Jump Zero is Gagarin Station right? What's it like?"

"Yeah, that's the official name. Biggest and farthest facility we had for decades. Right on the termination shock, the outer edge of the Solar System. It's where they did all the goose chase FTL research before we caught on to using mass effect fields. It was a sterile research platform when I was there."

"There were other kids in the same boat, right? At least you weren't alone out there." Raina heard about BAaT during her biotics training with the Alliance, but never knew anyone that went through it. She couldn't fathom the idea of a child being pulled away from home and being sent so far out into space. She was suddenly grateful to the other kids that Kaidan hadn't been alone.

"That's true. We did have a little circle that would get together every night before lights out. We didn't have much to do though, it was a research platform then and Conatix kept Jump Zero off the Extranet…to prevent leaks."

She couldn't help but think that if she had been born a few years earlier, she might have been out on Jump Zero as well. "Then you must had plenty of time to get to know each other."

"Yeah. We'd sit around and bull every night after dinner. Play cards or network games." Kaidan had gotten drawn in as well. He was 32 now, it had been fifteen years since he was at BAaT and he rarely ever talked about what happened during that time in his life. Nostalgia crossed his face as he remembered one part in particular.

"There was this girl named Rahna, who had a little circle grow up around her." Rahna? When was the last time she crossed his mind? He couldn't remember. "She was from Turkey. Her family was very rich, but she was smart…and charming as hell. Beautiful, but not stuck up about it. Like you I guess…ma'am."

Kaidan and Raina both locked eyes at that last part. Kaidan didn't notice until now how much Shepard reminded him of Rahna. Not so much in personality, Rahna was gentile while Shepard was more headstrong, passionate, and driven. But how they were both modest when it came to their physical appearance and that both cared for the people around them no matter who they were matched.

Raina caught a look in Kaidan's eyes as he reflected on Rahna. _"He was in love with her…" _Though she never experienced it yet herself, she could read the expression on his face. It was the same look her parents would give each other whenever they were together. "Sounds like she was special to you."

Kaidan felt a small pang of heartache. "She…was. Maybe she felt the same, but…things never fell together. Training, you know?"

Not wanting to reopen and old wound, Raina steered the conversation back to BAaT. "Life there sounded rough. Jump Zero is a long way from home, what was it like?"

"The grand gateway to humanity looks a lot better in the vids. Anyway, this was supposed to be a casual debrief. Not a bull session about stuff that happened years ago."

"I'm interested. I wanted to get to know you a little better, that's all. Thanks for the talk Kaidan."

He wasn't expecting that. "Well, you're welcome, ma'am." His curiosity got the better of him. "You, uh, make a habit of getting this personal with everyone?"

Raina gave him a flirtatious smile. "No…no I don't. We'll talk again later."

He really wasn't expecting that. Kaidan had been attracted to Shepard the moment he saw her. His dream the night after Eden Prime along with the shower incident did more than reinforce that fact. He wasn't expecting that she would be interested in him though. He needed time to think this new piece of information over. "I'll, uh-I'll need some time to process that Commander, but…yeah, I'd like that." She turned to leave, but stopped as a thought crossed her mind.

"I almost forgot. What's your opinion on the last mission?"

"Dr. T'Soni?" He shrugged. "She seems nice enough. I mean, if you like the book-ish sort."

She gave him a quizzical look. "Any intentions there Lieutenant?"

Kaidan's eyes softened. "None, Commander. I prefer…adventurous women." He emphasized the term, giving her an obvious hint.

"Heh, I'll keep that in mind. Talk to you later."

He watched as she disappeared around the corner and into the captain's quarters. Turning back to the terminal he'd been working on, Kaidan stared at the screen, his mind lost in thought. Within the last half hour, he just divulged a good part of his life to Shepard. She made him involuntarily reveal a dark part of his past to her. She didn't judge him of complaining, and just listened when he spoke about Rahna. Kneeling down to work again, a grin formed on his face, and stayed.


	5. Ch 5: Nightmares, Migraines, and Chats

(A/N: Yay asprin! Managed to finish writing up Chapter 5 tonight over taking another week xD Guess it helps when you have half the chapter already written out and just have some tweaking to do. I apologize if this chapter isn't as good as the other ones. Had a little difficulty trying to find a way to have R.J. and Kaidan talk about their past without divulging into topics that get covered in the conversation Post-Noveria/Feros, but I did the best I could so I hope you all like it.

Keep an eye out for the One-shot coming soon :D)

* * *

Raina sprang up in her bed, covered in a cold sweat. The images burned into her mind from the beacon were causing her horrific nightmares. Her back fell against the wall above her bed as she breathed deep, trying to get her heart to calm down. Every inch of her body trembled with fear as the blood curdling screams from the people in the images echoed in her head.

She glimpsed around the dark room, the only source of illumination coming from the screen across from her bed. The room suddenly felt oppressive. Throwing the covers off her, Raina grabbed a hoodie and pulled it on as she walked out into the mess. The clock on the wall read 3'oclock in the morning.

"Great…Well, I'm not going back to sleep any time soon."

Quickly ducking back into her quarters, Raina dug through the bookcase beside the door, pulling out a datapad. Grabbing it, she hurried back out of the room, not wanting to be in it a second longer than she had to at the moment. Her nerves began to settle as she walked back into the mess, towards the coffee maker. After starting a fresh pot, Raina pulled out a chair from the mess table and sat down. Picking up the datapad she took with her, she punched in a few commands bringing up files of pictures and vids of her lost family.

The lingering effects of her nightmare began to fade away as the images progressed from one to another: A family portrait during her 5th birthday with her mother and father flanking her with happy smiles, old friends, images of fields of their family farm on Mindoir. A sad smile had formed on Raina's face as the images went by.

"_I miss you all."_ Raina thought silently to herself. It had been 13 years since her home colony was attacked by slavers, killing practically everyone she either loved or cared for. A thud coming from down the hall near the sleeper pods broke Raina from her nostalgia.

"What was that?"

She leaned over the side of her chair to look past the partition that separated the mess from the rest of deck two. The sound of a groan came from the same direction. Raina stood up, following the sound. Kaidan was slumped against the side of his pod, pain registered on his face.

"Kaidan? What's wrong?"

He winced at the sound of her voice.

"_Lieutenant Alenko was wired to the old L2 configuration. Sometimes there are complications: Severe mental disabilities, insanity, crippling physical pain. There's a long list of horrific side effects. Kaidan's lucky, he just gets migraines."_

Raina spoke gently, keeping in mind to keep her voice low as to not aggravate Kaidan's migraine. "Come on. Let's get you to Dr. Chakwas."

Putting an arm around him, she helped him stand. "Close your eyes Kaidan."

As the door opened, Raina reached inside, turning down the intensity of the lights before helping him inside. Once they were in the med bay, she helped him onto one of the beds to lie down before going into the back office and fetching the doctor.

A few seconds passed before both women came out. Kaidan watched from his spot on the bed. The two spoke to each other, but the words fell deaf on him as the migraine irritatingly persisted to hammer at his head. Dr. Chakwas reached into a cabinet, taking down a small case that held Kaidan's meds. He groaned both from the pain in his head and from the site of the hypospray vial of medication. He hated his migraine meds.

After attaching one of the vials to an injector, Dr. Chakwas stood beside Kaidan, holding the injector to his neck. She pressed the down on the trigger, a tiny needle pierced him allowing the medicine to flow in. As the drugs began to take their effect, he slowly drifted off to sleep, one of the side effects of the drug. The last thing he saw before succumbing to the drug-induced sleep was Raina's concerned face.

"_What's that sound?"_ Kaidan's eyes slowly began to open, someone was humming a song. _"What time is it?"_ As his eyes adjusted to the dim light, he glanced around the room. He was in the med bay again. Turning his head to the side, he saw Raina sitting in a chair next to his bed. She was singing to herself with a coffee cup being held both hands and a datapad in her lap.

Kaidan smiled at the sight of her. She looked cute. Her hair showed a slight case of bed-head, which she apparently tried to hide at some point by running her fingers through it. She wore Alliance blue bottoms, her boots were loosely pulled on, and a gray hoodie."Hey Commander."

She looked up at the sound of his voice. She gave him a warm smile. "Kaidan, hey. Feeling better?"

"Still have a lingering throbbing, but I can deal with it. Damn migraines are a real pain in the ass sometimes." He pushed himself up into a sitting position. "What are you doing in here?"

"Oh, just looking at some old home vids." She stood up, putting her cup and pad down on Dr. Chakwas' desk. A sudden realization came to her as she turned to face Kaidan. "Oh, I didn't wake you did I? I thought I turned the volume down enough, but –"

"No, no. It's ok, really. You didn't wake me. I didn't hear anything while I was out." Kaidan reassured her with a grin.

Raina let out a breath she hadn't noticed she'd been holding. "Oh, good. You seemed to be in a lot of pain earlier. I wanted to make sure you were all right."

"You…stayed in here to watch over me?" Kaidan wasn't sure what to make of that, but he felt his heart tug with happiness that she cared enough to look after him.

Raina walked over to his side. "Yeah. Dr. Chakwas told me about how you watch over me after I was knocked out by the beacon. Thought I should return the favor." She had the suddenly impulse to stroke his brow, as if to reassure herself he wasn't in pain any longer. To keep the urge at bay, she stuck her hands into the pockets of her hoodie.

"Thanks. I appreciate it." He smiled at her. His eyes fell on the datapad Raina had placed on the desk.

"You were looking at home vids? Could have sworn I heard music while I was coming too." Kaidan glanced over to Shepard, a nostalgic smile on her face.

"Yeah, from back on Mindoir when my parents were still around. You know, making fun of myself during those teenage rebellion years." Raina waved a hand at the idea, brushing the matter off casually.

"You rebelled as a teenager?" Kaidan tried to picture it, but couldn't. "Sorry, Commander but I can't see you as the rule breaker type."

Raina ran a hand through her hair laughing at his reaction. "Oh, I've done my fair share of rule breaking growing up. And maybe just a little bit since I've been with the Alliance, but, uh, that stays between us, Lieutenant." She smiled at him.

He laughed back. "Deal. So, what was your form of rebellion? Tattoos, piercings, pulling pranks on the neighbors?"

Raina laughed back, picking up the datapad. "How about this." She turned back to Kaidan. "Why don't we go into the mess and let Dr. Chakwas get some sleep, and I'll tell you all about this over some coffee?"

A smile was still stuck on kaidan's face as he pushed off the medical bed to stand. "Sounds great."

After pour two fresh cups of coffee, Kaidan and Raina sat down at the dining table in the mess hall picking up their conversation. Raina crossed her legs, leaning beck in her chair, staring into her cup. "Ok, my form of teenage rebellion." A blush crept into her cheeks. "I, uh…sang…in a rock band." She took a long sip of her coffee, using the mug to hide her face.

Kaidan's eyebrows shot up at her confession, not in surprise. He was impressed. "You sing?"

"Use to. Played guitar as well."

"Really?" His curiosity and interest went up a notch.

She grinned at his reaction. "Yeah. I had an electric that I bought with some allowance money I had put aside. Just a basic guitar, but I loved it."

"Do you still have it?"

Raina shook her head. "No…I lost it when the raid on the colony happened."

Kaidan's winced, internally berating himself at making her remember. "Sorry, didn't mean to make you think about that."

"It's ok. Like I said, I've moved beyond it. I miss my parents, but what happened to Mindoir was long ago."

Kaidan understood, having past scars of his own. His curiosity piqued again. "Wait, how does joining a band qualify as rebelling? Don't most teenagers hit that stage at one point?"

"Oh, we didn't just play the music, but we dressed the part as well. Girls in short dresses and skirts, guys tight clothing that showed off their muscles, dyed hair, the whole nine yards." Raina laughed at the memory, shaking her head at her past youth. "I thought my dad's head was going to explode when he found out. My dad was the "protective of his little girl" type. He took odd jobs doing construction in the colony on top of farming, so he was more than familiar with the dangers that came with colonial life. The idea of his only daughter being in a band made him nervous. He always wanted me close to the farm where he could keep an eye on me." Nostalgia reflected in her face as she thought back.

"What about your mother? How did she take to that?"

"My mother embraced it. Encouraged it actually. "It's a part of growing up", is what she would tell my dad. Whenever I went through a phase, she just let me ride it out. When my dad got worried, she would just tell him that at least my form of rebellion was safer than what other kids did. You know, getting into drugs, or gangs." Raina stared at Kaidan for a while. She never opened up about her family life or her personal life before. She kept her memories to herself along with a few vid recordings that she hid in her room.

"You know Kaidan, I like talking with you. It's nice having someone on board to share things with."

Kaidan looked up at her, his hands folded around his coffee mug. "Yeah, it is."

Putting her coffee mug on the table, Raina sat forward with her elbow on the table, her chin resting in her palm. "Alright Alenko. I told you about my family, so know it's your turn." She gave him a coy smile.

"My family?" Kaidan looked at her a bit unsure.

"Well, it's only fair. You know all this stuff on me, so now I need something on you in case you try to blackmail me later in front of the crew." Raina joked giving him a teasing smirk.

"Heh, alright, I guess that's fair." Kaidan tapped the side of his mug, thinking.

Raina stared across at him. "You mentioned your dad was a military man. How long did he serve?"

" Twelve years. He retired sometime after my mother found out she was pregnant with me. Said he didn't like the idea of moving a family around. If he was going to start a family, he wanted us to have a stable home life."

She nodded. "Makes sense. Having to move a family around with each transfer can get difficult."

"Yeah, dad got even more determined to have a stable home life for us after my mother was exposed to Eezo while she was pregnant. Scared the hell out them when it happened. They were worried I might have come out a stillborn, or be one of the unlucky ones who ended up with brain tumors."

"How did they take to you being a biotic when it started to manifest?"

Kaidan let out a long breath. "I think that scared them more. Like I said before, human biotics were an unknown at the time. My parents were worried I would end up hurting myself or others around me. When Conatix reps showed up at our door to take me to "Brain Camp", my parents worried, naturally, but they also couldn't argue that having me stay home would be safer since biotic potential in humans wasn't fully understood."

"You must have been pretty young too when they took you there." Raina's eyes trailed from Kaidan's to the light scar on the temple of his head marking where his implant was put in.

Kaidan sipped the last of his coffee, gently putting the cup back on the table. "Yeah, I was nine years old then. Seventeen when I got out."

"_Eight years on Jump Zero?" _Raina internalized the surprise as her eyes landed on the clock in the mess hall. It was nearing 6AM. "Oh wow, we have been talking for nearly three hours."

Kaidan followed her eyes to the clock equally surprised. "Wow, I didn't notice."

"Me neither." Raina pushed away from the table and got up. "Guess we both should get dressed before the rest of the crew wakes up and see's us out of uniform."

"Oh, right. I have to be on duty at 7." Kaidan got up, taking her coffee cup along with his and placing them in the sink to rinse out.

"Yeah, I hear the commanding Officer is a real hard ass." Raina joked smiling at him.

Kaidan smiled and shrugged. "Really? I don't think she's so bad. I kind of like her." Putting the mugs away, he looked over to Shepard.

The door to captain's quarter's opened. Raina looked over her shoulder to Kaidan, he was watching her. She smiled to him, blushing. "See you later, Kaidan." She stepped inside, the doors closing behind her, her nightmare long forgotten.

Kaidan stared at her door. They'd spent the last three hours talking and laughing. _"I think I'm in love with her." _ Pushing away from the counter, he left the mess to get ready for the day.


End file.
